Recently my friend Wanying saw the blog I post up and read the rest of the previous blog that I wrote. And asked me a question why I wrote her name in the blog. I only told her that when I felt sad I will write my feeling in the blog and never aspect people or my friends to read it.
But to be truth is that I felt sorry for her to what I have done wish to have a 2nd chance with her again but doesn’t have the chance as now she is very busy with her studies and CCA plus I am working during weekends so wont have the time to meet her. Further more to her my thinkings are still in mature compared to hers. Even so my best friend also says the same I can not have a relationship unless I have a stable job and a mature thinking then my relationship will work well.
That is true I now have no money how to support my girlfriend plus I never gone through working life how can I maintain a relationship if I can’t take the pressure of the work life. But to me there is 1 thing in my mind that is I don’t want to be like my father where his son is already 25 years old and still studying. He now wants to enjoy his retirement life that he even doesn’t want to find a part time job to work. I don’t want it to happen in my life, I want when my son/daughter is at my age now to already start work as I am still at a young age before the retirement age. At least at that age I can relax a bit where I can earn the money for myself and my wife to go for our trips to other countries to enjoy life, with out any worries of my children as they are old enough to take care of themselves.
This is the life that I plan for but all has gone due to my confidents and the promise that I broke when I was with her. If I have a remote to control the time I wish I can turn back the time and change the mistake that I have made and correct it. Or go back in time to tell myself that I can do it, I can take care of her even through we have no time for each other we still can meet after class or work. Don’t give up even through we only can meet each other where no one around that know us. If I can make it through her graduations in University then from that day on we can meet each other without fear of let others know.
But this is reality I have already done the wrong things and can not be change. It’s not like in the movies where there is a car that can go back in time or a remote control that can forward or rewind. The only hope is that she can give me a chance to patch back with her.
A lot of my friends told me to move on and try to find the other “tree” (girl) that can last forever. And when I found that “tree” I must do what ever I can to protect it and that time must be even more confidents in my self. And don’t let it go again unless she let me go first, if not hold her hands tight and don’t ever let go. This is what my friends told me and I will remember it in my heart.
But the truth is I don’t want to hurt any body’s feelings any more including myself this feelings doesn’t feels good. As my best friend told me that I got rejected so many time so I should have got use to it now, but no I haven’t got use to it as I put everything that I have to her. But when rejected it hurts a lot a lot, I tried to talk to myself into not to have feelings anymore as I knew my body is already can not take it any more pains but still I can’t do it. I really need to find that someone that I can love and to be love by out there in this part of the world. But fate keeps me in pain lots of pain, I some how knew that if I really want my other half to appear I have to push everything forward including my life. That means if I want to meet my future girlfriend now and fate has arranged it so that I will meet her in 2 to 3 years time. My life will be shortening by 2 to 3 years and everything that will happen in my life will do the same shorten by 2 to 3 years. Even maybe some of the good things that will happen will be gone. This is not I really want to have so I have no intention of getting it so fast that mean I have to suffer this feelings over and over again till my fate comes to me. I think by that time my body is already dead and I maybe not be in this world any more or maybe before I left this world I will see my fate by pass me or my body.
I don’t really care got any body read this blog or not this is how I express my sadness feeling to be written so that I can be myself again
But to be truth is that I felt sorry for her to what I have done wish to have a 2nd chance with her again but doesn’t have the chance as now she is very busy with her studies and CCA plus I am working during weekends so wont have the time to meet her. Further more to her my thinkings are still in mature compared to hers. Even so my best friend also says the same I can not have a relationship unless I have a stable job and a mature thinking then my relationship will work well.
That is true I now have no money how to support my girlfriend plus I never gone through working life how can I maintain a relationship if I can’t take the pressure of the work life. But to me there is 1 thing in my mind that is I don’t want to be like my father where his son is already 25 years old and still studying. He now wants to enjoy his retirement life that he even doesn’t want to find a part time job to work. I don’t want it to happen in my life, I want when my son/daughter is at my age now to already start work as I am still at a young age before the retirement age. At least at that age I can relax a bit where I can earn the money for myself and my wife to go for our trips to other countries to enjoy life, with out any worries of my children as they are old enough to take care of themselves.
This is the life that I plan for but all has gone due to my confidents and the promise that I broke when I was with her. If I have a remote to control the time I wish I can turn back the time and change the mistake that I have made and correct it. Or go back in time to tell myself that I can do it, I can take care of her even through we have no time for each other we still can meet after class or work. Don’t give up even through we only can meet each other where no one around that know us. If I can make it through her graduations in University then from that day on we can meet each other without fear of let others know.
But this is reality I have already done the wrong things and can not be change. It’s not like in the movies where there is a car that can go back in time or a remote control that can forward or rewind. The only hope is that she can give me a chance to patch back with her.
A lot of my friends told me to move on and try to find the other “tree” (girl) that can last forever. And when I found that “tree” I must do what ever I can to protect it and that time must be even more confidents in my self. And don’t let it go again unless she let me go first, if not hold her hands tight and don’t ever let go. This is what my friends told me and I will remember it in my heart.
But the truth is I don’t want to hurt any body’s feelings any more including myself this feelings doesn’t feels good. As my best friend told me that I got rejected so many time so I should have got use to it now, but no I haven’t got use to it as I put everything that I have to her. But when rejected it hurts a lot a lot, I tried to talk to myself into not to have feelings anymore as I knew my body is already can not take it any more pains but still I can’t do it. I really need to find that someone that I can love and to be love by out there in this part of the world. But fate keeps me in pain lots of pain, I some how knew that if I really want my other half to appear I have to push everything forward including my life. That means if I want to meet my future girlfriend now and fate has arranged it so that I will meet her in 2 to 3 years time. My life will be shortening by 2 to 3 years and everything that will happen in my life will do the same shorten by 2 to 3 years. Even maybe some of the good things that will happen will be gone. This is not I really want to have so I have no intention of getting it so fast that mean I have to suffer this feelings over and over again till my fate comes to me. I think by that time my body is already dead and I maybe not be in this world any more or maybe before I left this world I will see my fate by pass me or my body.
I don’t really care got any body read this blog or not this is how I express my sadness feeling to be written so that I can be myself again
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