Kill me if you can

If anyone read this please kill me

Kill me if you can

091208

Having so many problems lately and at the same time a lot of happy things happens.

Problems: My brother finding trouble again I was thinking of getting him to see a psychology because he for no reason angry with my mum and say whatever my mother cooked or buy he don’t want to eat. May have to find a way to get him to see the psychology in the IMH (Institution of Mental Health). He has been playing online games day and night. When reach home after work, he went straight to my computer and play games. No matter how tired he is, he will still go play. I am very worry about him and his health, playing day and night without any much rest can cause him to die as I had read a lot of news regarding this matters. Oh god whoever you are please help my brother, I know I hated him but I also love him so don’t take him away he is my family also even thought he never treat us as one.

Next is retrenchment last 2 weeks ago 3 friends of mine in my company had the “Letter”. Now 2 weeks had pass and the environments here is very bad. During this year my company business has been going down fall so they don’t know what to do to push the business up but to retrench people. Overall only 3 from my company, 2 from my department and 1 from translation department. None from the sales department as there is a 2^nd GM covering them as I got 3 GM 2 from sales and 1 from translation but that one has been transferred to India. Stupid right! The company don’t anyhow retrench people 1^st they must look through what is the problem next what causes it then try solve it not just anyhow pick people to retrench right! I think my 1^st GM can’t make any decisions but to anyhow pick people from my department. She is a BITCH sia whole company hated her. Can’t make decision, can’t solve problem only know how to create more problems what a BITCH she is.

Happy: My best friend, Jiahe had become a father just last week her wife Jessie gave birth to a 3.4 pounds baby girl, Congratulations to you and your family. Her name Tee YueYun (father still thinking of her English name hehe) but I think can call her Violet very nice name. She was one hell of a noisy baby as her cry can be heard from 1^st floor to 5^th floor haha. But a cute one too, Jiahe really love and care her a lot. And this girl loves to stick to her father why? Well from what I heard whenever he reach home she doesn’t want her mum to carry her only wants her dad to carry, Haha naughty right? Haha But I am happy that he finally became a real family man. And his mother haha loves her grand daughter but she doesn’t wants to take care of them haha. Can’t wait till the Baby shower and Baby’s full month. Because I want to carry her take a picture with her. Haha!

Next is I finally can learn more things from someone dear to me since the last sad blog this time I learn to open a bit more and less control of her giving her more space and time to think. That’s one thing I have learned and will learn more so I can get even more close to her. Now currently she went oversea with her parents to Hong Kong for holidays and I miss her so much, thinking of her every day and night. Messaging her everyday even thought oversea sms is quite expensive but to me is worth it. I LOVE YOU dear hope to see you when you came back as your Christmas present is waiting for you haha my 1^st time buying that for you hope you like it.

I have been in love this 1 and half month. I like this girl even through she is older than me but I like her. She is a bit high class as she live in a condo with her parents and a maid, drive 2 cars 1 Mitsubishi Lancer EX, the other one is starts with a P... is a sport car. Can say she quite rich and sporty. As she goes gym doing her work out almost everyday, I like her very much but I'm not sure does she likes me or not even through she goes out with me. But she too has another guy living in Malaysia, Penang that is aftering her too.

We can not say we are a couple even through we got kiss and hug sometimes but she does not feels that we are a couple. I too was confuse whether she likes me or not??

One day as i was chatting with her online i suddenly called her and sang to her, she told me she was touch and she told the other guy that I sang to her. So now is whenever he called her, he will sing to her. I am so angry that i tried my ways to win her but ended up my trick has been copied.

When ever that guy has to go travel to another place in Malaysia he will make a big turn and come here to meet her. They too have kiss when they met, i don't know whether she likes me or liked him. I told her before i don't like my girlfriend to kiss other guys cause this to me is a disrespect to me. I never kiss any other girls when i have a girlfriend, even i don't have i too never kiss.

Yesterday we went to Great World City for our dinner, she was surprise to see me in a bright red t shirt with a cartoon printed on it. She does not like it as makes me look childish, but it's a last minute meet. I normally feeling moody will dress a bit cartoon so to make my mood better. But she don't like it, today she make a comment on my dressing and she told me i should wear polo T shirt and jeans to work, as it should be dress like this at work. But in office i often wear like this as they say we are in production line not sales line so wear something comfortable is okie but not bermudas or shorts. She don't like then she say she was doing all the talking and she busy too but she making the effort to chat with me. I know she is busy as i am too but i didn't chat with her is because i am thinking of how many polo i have in my cupboard.

I am not angry of the comments she made and didn't make her thinks that she is talking to the wall. I know she say this is because she wants me to change, I am willing to change but it takes a bit of time and money. I am too used to cargo pants and shirts, i like jeans but its hard to me to find 1 which is a straight wide cut that i can wear as my tights are quite big, polo t shirts i like too but i like those with zip one instead of buttons.

My mum feels very uncomfortable talking to her as my mum thinks she is quite high class person can't really match our family. I comes in a slightly low income family with ceilings going to give way any moments with leaking pipes under the kitchen basin there. I told my mum that she is not the kind of person who looks down on low income people. But she will feel uncomfortable when going out with her when the dressing she does not like. I can see she does not like the way i dress yesterday as she keeps looking at my shirt. Then this morning keep saying it, now she does not want to talk to me. As i did not reply her.

After I say sorry to her, I kept thinking does she really liked me as she kept saying about I will not impress other girls and ask them to be my girlfriend. This keep making me think she does not treat me as the guy she like, more like her nephew and her little brother.

Holding on a job is hard for me specially I'm trying not to making mistakes but getting into a relationship is even harder for me as I always get rejects and get pour cold water. I am really here to live as a human or is by mistake that I come to this world which actually I shouldn't be living. Will these thinking makes me CRAZY? Or when I am thinking this already AM CRAZY?

I do not want to make the same mistake in my past relationship, that's why I am doing as much as I can to make this good. My friends even are happy to hear that I have a girlfriend or can say that I have someone I liked.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK......
What is the problem with my own younger brother?
Keep listening to my mum's older sister and her children, like she is his mum. What's wrong? I hate my brother. My mum just want to tell him everything about her boss but my brother treated it as she is talking bad things behind her and some more in the bus. Now almost everybody in my mother side knows that my mum is very up sad due to my brother's problem. I thought that the problem has settle but my brother brings the problems out again. Now my mum is disowning everyone cause of my brother.

He is the main problem, he keeps believing what others say than believe his family. I wish to move out from this house. I HATE MY BROTHER creating this problem. I hate my relatives from HK. I FUCKING HATE THEM

1 0ct '08 Happy Childrens' day and Selamat Hari Raya to all little boys and girls and also all the Malay people out there whom i know and dont know

Image Changing!

Is that important? to work yes, to having a relationship yes, but why do we need to change our image who that is not the really you and me?

Its good to do some changes and see if it suits the person. Anyway i think i will be going to a seminar this 3 continues sat at Clark Quey with my neighbor Yuequn. I not sure why she asked me and not her future to be husband but anyway i can guess she wants me to change my image too same as all my old friends. Well i will give it a try since its free and keep bothering by friends who keep asking me to change. Hope after this lesson i can change to a nicer image and can get a girlfriend soon haha specially her Ms Mis----e.

















Tell you something... I have a gathering with my old Taka staff friends so i hope that day i can sent her home and ask her if i can be her boyfriend. Well I'm prepare for the answers she is giving no matter good or bad i should be happy about it at least i have asked and know what's she feels about me rather than keeping in me.... If i never ask i will never knew how she feels and maybe there is a chance she will accept me you never know right... haha must be postive..

2 weeks striaght i dream of her becoming my girlfriend and wife... taking her to places she and I wants to go visiting my grandma is the nursing home, going out with my friends and her friends, slapping me for giving her a big surprise. These dreams may comes true if i ask her or might not it depands on her. Will she accept me only she will tell.

Yoz, me update again haha,

My nose keep funning again becoz of me not going to gym to sweat so that is why my nose running again haha… didnt manage to find time to go as rushing for work…

What happen sia why cant i plan my time nicely so i can go gym.. Nvm i sure can make the time out for some sweat..

I thing why cant i interact well with the girl i like… i want to ask her out for dinner or on a date but been reject. I know that you cant stop some one to like the other.

Should i go to the matchmaker session which our PM keep telling all singles out there to go…???

Why can’t i make a girl liked me?

I know i am a very low profile guy.. and really didn’t like to chat with girls unless we know each other a bit well…. or i keep giving them bad impression… I hope it wasnt the 2nd one

Please GOD i beg you give me the one that i will love and love me…..

17/06/08

what a tired day... didn't really sleep well due to my brother, he play game from yesterday afternoon all the way till this morning when my clock rang. then at work worst my college having email war with me make my day sucks... he so unreasonable. I ask him make used of them time given to him and just really make use of it for just converting his work and no time for him or me to check his work before submitting as a proper work but well he use this to fight back and feel like putting the blame on me for rushing him and saying me very political what the hell... I am here trying my best to help him and also been scolded by customer and trying to cover him ended up saying me... I'm trying to teach him and cover him even didn't give up on him but now he treat this like a toy i guess i give up on him as a few of his friends already gave up on him. Or is he himself gave up on us to help him...