sunday 13 april 08
Very early morning, i had a nightmare about me and Lynn.... the dream was quite real... till i pull myself up and then scare to go back to sleep as will go back to the same dream again which i wish it wont comes true....
You will be wondering what is the dream about well i couldnt remember it well as from what i remember i was chatting with her through MSN... What is it about i couldnt remember as i know my hearts hurts a lot and was crying... I dont dare to tell her as she will say i think too much or maybe she will say something that will hurt me and her too...
For now i dont care what i just want to be at her side as a very close friend which she can tell me any thing or any problems... i'm willing to listen to hear and offer my full support and help to her.... i know no matter how many times she tell me that she used to being alone and not used to tell anyone where she is going i dont mind.... just wanna chat with her every night before going to bed and during working hours....
It's been sometimes i had this feelings since my last realtionship during my poly years.... I think i can say her name in here since no one is reading it... Her name is Wanying.... she been with me abt 6 months ba.... then after that i told myself to stop hurting any girls feelings as i should have be more mature now to think but till now i still keep on hurting their feelings... it's not i get into relationship and hurt them is when i brings out their feelings and made them cry or in tears... My fault for hurting them....
Then came Lynn she has stop this loving feelings 9 years back and now i brought back this feelings and hurt her really deep.... she has a heart problems since young and may live till her age of 35 years old.... thats what she told me.... my friends told me that she is testing me but too me whether she is testing me or not i will do my best to touch her heart...
everytime she told me not to care for her as she can take care or herself it makes me feel hurt heart pain like been stab by a knife... tears keep coming down my eyes every night can say i cry myself to sleep....
Very early morning, i had a nightmare about me and Lynn.... the dream was quite real... till i pull myself up and then scare to go back to sleep as will go back to the same dream again which i wish it wont comes true....
You will be wondering what is the dream about well i couldnt remember it well as from what i remember i was chatting with her through MSN... What is it about i couldnt remember as i know my hearts hurts a lot and was crying... I dont dare to tell her as she will say i think too much or maybe she will say something that will hurt me and her too...
For now i dont care what i just want to be at her side as a very close friend which she can tell me any thing or any problems... i'm willing to listen to hear and offer my full support and help to her.... i know no matter how many times she tell me that she used to being alone and not used to tell anyone where she is going i dont mind.... just wanna chat with her every night before going to bed and during working hours....
It's been sometimes i had this feelings since my last realtionship during my poly years.... I think i can say her name in here since no one is reading it... Her name is Wanying.... she been with me abt 6 months ba.... then after that i told myself to stop hurting any girls feelings as i should have be more mature now to think but till now i still keep on hurting their feelings... it's not i get into relationship and hurt them is when i brings out their feelings and made them cry or in tears... My fault for hurting them....
Then came Lynn she has stop this loving feelings 9 years back and now i brought back this feelings and hurt her really deep.... she has a heart problems since young and may live till her age of 35 years old.... thats what she told me.... my friends told me that she is testing me but too me whether she is testing me or not i will do my best to touch her heart...
everytime she told me not to care for her as she can take care or herself it makes me feel hurt heart pain like been stab by a knife... tears keep coming down my eyes every night can say i cry myself to sleep....
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