27/09/06 time 11pm

I had a very painful 1 hour. I just went out to meet a girl who I meet her in the internet. We have been chat for a few weeks le and she agrees to meet me. But when we meet together with her friends, is like she seldom talks to me. Her friends are very funny and playful. This is what secondary students will do. Haha, after meeting her and her friends I went home. At about 1030 I saw her online so I ask her how she felt about me. She told me that she felt only friendship that’s all nothing more. Haha I think I siao liao, keep laughing. I am going crazy le. That hurts when she says that I thought she can be my next girlfriend but I thought wrong as she is 8 yrs younger than me haha. How can an 8 yrs younger than me girl will like me. She can treat me as an old man le. Haha…. Yesterday my parents got a fight and I cried when I saw it. Now this I cried when a girl to me that she can’t see any future in me. Haha… I am a weakling a guy who cried. I think I can not call myself a guy or a man as guys and men don’t cry from this matter. I am a piece of shit. Nothing more than a shit, I couldn’t help my family in financial problems as I am studying. I couldn’t get into relationship as girls thinks that I only can be their friend. In good word they will say “I don’t want to lost and good friend like me” but I think this means if I ask her out she may think whether to go or not to go that’s all. She won’t say when and what time met as soon as she heard what I ask. I got too many rejects and keep telling me that I will find a better 1 next time and next time I will not rush to get a relationship as I will fail if I rush. But I think now even if I don’t rush it too will fail. So I think I will better hide myself in a shell call useless piece of shit. And plans to continue what I have made to myself for my future.

Today I had a double painful impact haha… that will leave a scar in my heart and on my body.. haha…. I am going crazy soon…………… hahahaha..hahahaha…hahahaha….
My best friend just scolded me for not waking up my mind now he has given up on me haha… my one and only best friend given up on me le haha I am really useless piece of FUCKING SHIT!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA………………………….

it 2 in the morning andvery slpy but i still couldnt slp.

y i couldnt slp is it becoz i told wanying that i have broke my favour vase?

that makes my heart ache and that y i put a sad nick in my msn?

the truth in that vase is her but i couldnt tell her. i dare not tell her as she will sae its too late le wat had happen it happens. and there is no turning back le. i keep telling myself that is it my fault becoz i dont noe how to cherish love and i took it for granded now it too late almost a year late. what can i do tell me WANYING wat can i do so that i can patch back with u? tell me juz tell me i will do wat ever i can to do it even if u ask me to go all the way from ang mo kio to NTU to find u in the middle of the nite i will do it. o if u ask me to wait till u gradurate from ur University i will be could we at the same time c each other?

i dont care liao i muz do watever i can to get u back. i want u back to my heart. will i get heart attack now if u sae u dont ever want to patch back wit me. i tink i wont but i will freeze my heart so that i will never ever wouldnt be in love again. i am very tired liao and wanting to get u back, i not juz want u to be my gf but also me future wife so will u give me 1 more chance?

hi

today i felt abit sad coz i trying to ask my ex to go out but she was too bz to go out with me since she is in University. normally i heard from my friends from University that they get very bz when they are in University starting from the 1st yr to the final yr. i wonder if now we still in the relationship how do we goin to cope with her bz schedule plus she is studing in NTU.

but to all the things we gone tru its still my fault i shld have waited a year late to tell her how i feel. i think i shld be putting myself in the cold cell and forbidden myself to get invole in love. maybe i shld conseal my heart so i wont fall in love again and get hurt.

her roommate told me that there is some one like her. wat is the 1st thing came into my mind? blank.. but how i feel? pain very hard sharp pain that i felt in my heart... but wat to do she doesnt accept me any more as i hurt her too much le.. i think she wont forgive me for the things i have done to her... but her room mate told me that i can get back to her if i try. well i would have to thank her room mate for telling this but its too late le... i dont think she will again let me into her heart again this wat i think.

i will carry this pain in my heart till she has forgiven me if not i will carry this till i die.....